just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
