At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
