chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I miss vodka workout Fridays
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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