it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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