Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
