If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
