OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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