How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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