I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Use "feeling words"
Yay
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
