Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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