You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
