my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
