i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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