If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
