You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Welp...herpes.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
