Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
