I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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