So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
