Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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