i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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