There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
