my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
