Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
