the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
