look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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