I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
