dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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