I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The struggles of a small town man whore
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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