Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i dont even know how to be here
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
