Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
