6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
