Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Randomize
