I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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