help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
