She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
