4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
