dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
