People in love make me want to vomit
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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