Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
