hell yes lets make some ravioli
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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