Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
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