Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
