when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
