I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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