also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
