I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
