why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I will be naked everywhere
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
