I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
