dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
