i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
