I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
its liver damage thursday
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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